No One Can Really Tell The Truth Like John Walsh
“Rutten” to the core! The Bought-and-Paid-For “Ghost” of Mickey Kantor Haunts the corridors of The Los Angeles Daily News! Mickey Kantor picks obscure ex-LA Times columnist to write the Kantor Report on the sly!
Do you smell a rat! Mousey Mickey Kantor prepares to encage his Cure-All Kantor Commission Report on the don’t-give-a-damn general public!
The finishing smudges are at this very moment being applied to the Mickey Mouse Report of the civic-prideful Kantor-Controlled Commission!
Kantor Commission findings are confidently expected to be roughly as inauthentic as that ridiculous brown toupee without a speck of gray that now sits in silly splendor squarely on top of Mickey Kantor’s swollen head!
“MUCH ADO ABOUT PRACTICALLY NOTHING”
THE TOO-LONG-AWAITED KANTOR COMMISSION REPORT WILL HARDLY PROVE ITSELF WORTH THIS PROTRACTED WAIT.
B-team reporter Tim “Spoiled” Rutten has been quietly ushered in by Mickey The K to save the day with a much-needed polish job on the Promised-To-Solve-All-Civic-Ills Report that is currently hanging fire!
No wonder the vaunted Kantor Commission meets in total secret (with a hidden budget source) to hammer out its painfully-oversold-to-the-general-public upcoming (Big Deal!) report … touted as containing the magical-thinking recipe for miraculously treating all of LA’s rapidly-multiplying worst damn social ills!
Poor Mickey The K, who a while ago saw his best days in heavyweight national politics fade away when Obama ascended to the Presidency and banished him from DC, hasn’t been capable of writing anything lately much lengthier than a short laundry list!
Therefore Head Kantor Commissioner, Mr. Mickey Kantor no less, plucked a quasi-forgotten ex-LA Times columnist Mr. Tim Rutten from the San Fernando Valley ash heap where he had been consigned to grinding out a scarcely-read political-opinion gossip column at the somnolent, circulation-slipping Los Angeles Daily News and paid over there a mere pittance for accomplishing this near-worthless task every once in a while!
Consequently, this hush- hush new assignment of Tim’s to hurriedly ghost write the over-due Kantor Commission Report will furnish the biggest paycheck Rutten (the most justly-overlooked guy in all of LA journalism) has seen since he got unceremoniously booted out of Spring Street HQ on his imperious butt for devoting Times column after Times column to the trivial musings of his very un-important self!
Now Rutten has the unenviable task of producing the winning written formula to reverse the tide of Los Angeles’ steadily inevitable decline!
Lotsa luck, No-Luck Rutten!
The select few who have cast their eyes on the thoroughly “Rutten” job that Mr. Tim is now performing on this near-final draft fearlessly predict that the eponymous Kantor Commission Report is fated to lay a giant goose egg on the marbled floor of the Los Angeles City Hall Rotunda!
The only politician enthusiastic about its upcoming reception by the public and the press must be the LA City Council President as well as Kantor Commission Godfather, the Honorable Herb (The Insufferable Optimist) Wesson!
On the bright side, Commission Insiders observe that TR is making out like an under-the-radar bandit because our boy, you see, is stuffing his deep pockets with long green at the Kantor Commission expense due to Tim getting paid by the platitude!
How did Rutten get selected for this big bucks booby prize over a dozen other more-than-willing highly-qualified candidates for this ultimately meaningless writing assignment?
The short answer is that the two of them “met cute” in 1991 when Kantor was raising big money in the Golden State for Bill Clinton’s first Presidential Campaign and Rutten was an ink- stained wretch toiling at Spring Street.
The story goes that Mickey phoned Tim in a huff, raising a stink over Rutten’s “unfair” 1991 Clinton California Presidential Campaign news story coverage.
So they agreed there and then to hash things out over lunch and voila this more than 20-year close relationship was hatched!
Google: Tim Rutten, Mickey Kantor, LA Times, & 1991 for all of the gruesome nitty-gritty details!
See you all fairly soon at the unveiling of the Kantor Commission Report press conference. Be prepared to go away completely unimpressed and totally bored with the sadly predictable, highly- disappointing report contents! Okay?
The Mickey Kantor Report is slated to contain a printed expiration date on its side warning potential readers that the written contents inside will turn sour in about as long a period of time as it takes for the expiration date printed on the average milk carton to take smelly effect!